Career And Relationship: How To Have The Best Of Both Worlds
Centuries before, women are expected to just stay at home, manage the household and take care of the children. Some will probably do some charity works just to have something that will occupy their free time. There is however no question on what should come first. Relationships and family will always be first priority.
Times have changed.
Today, women —-and men at that —- choose between career and relationships. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, most will choose career. A materialistic society spawned people who are more into careers than personal relationships. With a fast-paced world and the competitiveness in the professional world, they feel that opportunities in their careers will only knock once. Because of this they sacrifice their personal relationships in favor of their careers.
Some people even set-up their lives by completely deleting the need for choice. These are the people who are confirmed workaholics, building their career at the expense of family and relationships. But should there be a choice? Should there be a contest between personal and professional life? Should one be sacrificed for the other?
Some individuals have actually been able to handle having a relationship and building a successful career path. All it seems to take is proper time management and honesty.
Below are some tips on how to have the best of both worlds.
Set boundaries.
In managing both a career and a relationship, one thing that you should do first is to set boundaries and establish some ground rules. Define early on in the relationship what you want and just how far you can sacrifice one at the expense of the other. Your partner will appreciate the honesty. This will also help clear things and will define just where the relationship starts. Prioritizing work does not mean that you do not care for your partner or you love them less the same way prioritizing your partner and your family does not mean that you are not committed to your career.
Anticipate problems with schedules
Emergency deadlines and unexpected appointments are not new to work especially if you are holding an important position. This can lead to canceled dates or forgotten anniversaries. To prevent disagreements and misunderstandings, it is important that you anticipate things and talk about these kinds of situations before they happen.
Make your partner understand that you cannot turn away from your responsibilities. Talking about things will minimize fights and misunderstandings. Still, even though you have already talked about it, when the situation arises, apologize still and try to make up after. One mistake that couples make is they become angry when their partner expect them to still explain things.
Set time for each other
You can accomplish anything if you just set your mind to it. Making a success of both your personal and professional life just needs proper time management. While work is also an important part of your life, do not make it the center of your existence. Allot time for your partner. One strategy that will work is to set a specific night in a week where you both can go out and just be together. This way, you will already have an idea what dates to avoid when you are setting appointments.
You should also take a week off from work once or twice a year and spend it with your partner. Go to a tropical island or beach. Travel abroad. This way, you can regain the closeness that you have outside the pressure of your professional life.
Quality time vs quantity
It is not actually the amount of time that you spend together but how you spend your time. You can spend the whole week together but if you spend them worrying and thinking about work, you might as well go to the office. Make sure that if you spend time together, you will only be thinking of non-work things. Make the most of every minute that you spend together. Connect with each other and do things that you will both enjoy.
Work is work, love is love
If you are having problems at work, make sure that you do not bring it to your relationship. Try to separate these two components of your life.
Times have changed.
Today, women —-and men at that —- choose between career and relationships. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, most will choose career. A materialistic society spawned people who are more into careers than personal relationships. With a fast-paced world and the competitiveness in the professional world, they feel that opportunities in their careers will only knock once. Because of this they sacrifice their personal relationships in favor of their careers.
Some people even set-up their lives by completely deleting the need for choice. These are the people who are confirmed workaholics, building their career at the expense of family and relationships. But should there be a choice? Should there be a contest between personal and professional life? Should one be sacrificed for the other?
Some individuals have actually been able to handle having a relationship and building a successful career path. All it seems to take is proper time management and honesty.
Below are some tips on how to have the best of both worlds.
Set boundaries.
In managing both a career and a relationship, one thing that you should do first is to set boundaries and establish some ground rules. Define early on in the relationship what you want and just how far you can sacrifice one at the expense of the other. Your partner will appreciate the honesty. This will also help clear things and will define just where the relationship starts. Prioritizing work does not mean that you do not care for your partner or you love them less the same way prioritizing your partner and your family does not mean that you are not committed to your career.
Anticipate problems with schedules
Emergency deadlines and unexpected appointments are not new to work especially if you are holding an important position. This can lead to canceled dates or forgotten anniversaries. To prevent disagreements and misunderstandings, it is important that you anticipate things and talk about these kinds of situations before they happen.
Make your partner understand that you cannot turn away from your responsibilities. Talking about things will minimize fights and misunderstandings. Still, even though you have already talked about it, when the situation arises, apologize still and try to make up after. One mistake that couples make is they become angry when their partner expect them to still explain things.
Set time for each other
You can accomplish anything if you just set your mind to it. Making a success of both your personal and professional life just needs proper time management. While work is also an important part of your life, do not make it the center of your existence. Allot time for your partner. One strategy that will work is to set a specific night in a week where you both can go out and just be together. This way, you will already have an idea what dates to avoid when you are setting appointments.
You should also take a week off from work once or twice a year and spend it with your partner. Go to a tropical island or beach. Travel abroad. This way, you can regain the closeness that you have outside the pressure of your professional life.
Quality time vs quantity
It is not actually the amount of time that you spend together but how you spend your time. You can spend the whole week together but if you spend them worrying and thinking about work, you might as well go to the office. Make sure that if you spend time together, you will only be thinking of non-work things. Make the most of every minute that you spend together. Connect with each other and do things that you will both enjoy.
Work is work, love is love
If you are having problems at work, make sure that you do not bring it to your relationship. Try to separate these two components of your life.
Improving your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics From a Spiritual Perspective – Part I
Improving Your Relationships — Relationship Dynamics from a Spiritual Perspective – Part I
(Excerpted from “Invisible Blueprints”)
“Love is everything. It is the key to life, and its influences are those that move the world.”
-Ralph Waldo Trine
“Interdependence is and ought to be as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency. Man is a social being.”
-Mohandas K. Gandhi
My Integrative Intuitive Counseling work with clients over the past fifteen-plus years has given me the bird’s-eye view of relationships and the dynamics involved in them from an energetic point of view.
One of the areas in which I had early glimpses of these realizations and lessons in energy is that of relationships, especially romantic relationships. It goes without saying that relationships are very important to most of us and represent an extremely important aspect of our human experience, as Trine and Gandhi above so articulately expressed it. So of course most clients will want information on this area of their lives.
I’ve looked at many, many relationships over the past several years, including those a client was involved in at the time of a session, those from a client’s past, and future relationships. I’ve also looked at nonromantic relationships, including those with friends, parents, children, other family members, work colleagues, etc. I have increasingly gained insight into how relationships work (and why they do work at times and often do not work) and what the causative or contributing factors to the dynamics operative in this aspect of our lives may be. Over time, I gradually saw several factors that I feel influence the dynamics and viability of relationships.
Resonance of Energies
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
-Carl Jung
“Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between partners.”
-Colette Dowling
Early on in looking at romantic relationships I was primarily sensing how people’s energies resonated — or didn’t resonate well — and how that energetic resonance between the two of them affected both the dynamics of the relationship and the positive or negative aspects of what the people in the relationship were experiencing. Some people’s energies resonated quite well. Other people’s energies quite simply abraded.
For example, I’ve seen relationships in which one person’s energy was overwhelming the other’s energy. This often leads to the latter person feeling overwhelmed and powerless or constrained, certainly not a pleasant way to feel in a relationship. I’ve also seen relationships in which one person’s energy is warm and expansive and the other person’s energy is cooler or indifferent and/or contracted or narrow. This is also not a good interaction of energies. As telling as these dynamics of energy resonances were, I came to learn in time, however, that there were factors involved other than just the resonance of energies that contributed to whether relationships were good, workable, or true partners or “soul mates.”
Learning Relationships
“How savage is love that plants a flower and uproots a field; that revives us for a day and stuns us for an age!”
-Kahlil Gibran
I soon came to see how people’s inauthentic stuff — their issues — affected the dynamics in a relationship. Because the inauthentic overlay contributes to and affects one’s general energy, this inauthentic stuff will often be part of what is resonating (or abrading) between two people’s energies.
Often the pull between two people will be their “stuff” resonating, rather than who they really are. For example, one of the more common manifestations of this type of resonance occurs when a dependent person who may also be sensitive emotionally and/or come from some sort of abusive background is romantically involved with someone with strong and controlling energy; or when one person who is open emotionally and needs to connect and communicate openly with his/her partner is involved with someone who is closed down or withdrawn emotionally and thus neither available emotionally nor oriented towards truly openly connecting with someone. I have seen instances in which two people’s “stuff” is so complex and mutually resonating that they appear to fit together like a complex system of reciprocal keys fitting into each other’s locks. Often a condition of button-pushing and/or mutual interdependence in an unhealthy manner results from this type of resonance. (Hence, the term codependence.) Relationships of this type often exemplify a mixture of contradictory energies; they may be love/hate relationships or be full of volatility – and are rarely “clear sailing.” They are also frequently quite painful and can be emotionally draining.
This type of relationship, that is based on the inauthentic stuff resonating is often, as you may suspect, doomed to failure. I have seen many clients who were in this type of relationship and who may have stuck it out for years because they have both resistance to and inertia over getting out of the situation. Other clients may extricate themselves in a shorter period of time. If, how, and when these relationships are resolved is usually a function of the individual’s process and growth and his/her readiness for or resistance to change.
Usually when the decision is made to leave the relationship, it is because the person initiating that change has grown personally to the point where the personal lessons from the relationship are learned and the relationship no longer serves a purpose or feels the same. In other words, the resonance is no longer there. (This latter instance is representative of the common phenomenon that, as we learn and grow, we may grow past the people we’ve been close to, if they are not also evolving and growing. Kristen Zambucka described this phenomenon when she stated that, “We outgrow people, places, and things as we unfold. We may be saddened when old friends say their piece and leave our lives…but let them go. They were at a different stage and looking in a different direction.” This can be disconcerting to us, especially if we don’t realize that, if our energies are no longer resonating, any former feeling of closeness usually evaporates — and if we further don’t realize that this “changing of partners” is indicative of something positive in us, i.e., our personal growth.)
Over time and through repeatedly seeing a number of this type of relationship, I came to realize that these relationships that are based on the partners’ inauthentic stuff resonating are what I now call learning relationships. In other words, we often enter into some relationships primarily to learn and grow by working on our inauthentic stuff, and this purpose of learning tends to be the primary raison d’être for this type of relationship. This is distinguished from the soul mate or partner relationship in which we may be stimulating each other’s growth, but it’s not the sole purpose for the relationship.
The positive aspect of learning relationships is that they are often a wonderful catalyst for our growth. Each learning relationship tends to be centered around healing or reworking one or more aspects of our stuff. Put another way, “Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you” (Mike Murdock). And, usually, until we work on whatever the relationship is trying to teach us and we “get” it, we are doomed to keep repeating the lesson; that is, we can have a pattern of serially entering into similar relationships. Recognizing that we have a pattern in relationships can give us the key to realizing that there is something in ourselves to work on. “To understand is to perceive patterns,” Isaiah Berlin wrote — including our own patterns.
If, instead, we don’t recognize that there is something to work on in ourselves we may stay stuck in the pattern for a more prolonged period of time. Often we will then project our unhappiness and blame externally and decry all men or all women as being “worthless,” “unavailable,” etc. — until we learn to figuratively point that finger back towards ourselves and look within to see what we need to work on or change in ourselves. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” (Jung). Or, as Molière wrote, “One should examine oneself for a long time before thinking of condemning others.”
A variation on this theme of projection and blame centers around those people who are “rescuers.” Rescuers (not an essence type) are often soft-hearted people who are perpetually trying to help and rescue others, sometimes to the extent that they actually believe that that is one of their purposes in life. As with those who project their own stuff outwardly and blame others and things outside of themselves, rescuers often need to figuratively point their fingers back at themselves and look within for what they need to rescue in themselves. A pattern of needing to rescue others often serves to deflect one’s attention from his/her own stuff and what he/she needs to work on within him/herself. As Aldous Huxley wrote, “There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that’s your own self.”
Learning relationships, especially those that engage us emotionally in an intense manner, are a strong mechanism by which we can evolve, as we are stimulated more — through the power of emotion — by these often difficult and/or painful relationship experiences. I myself gained a major lesson in self-esteem through a relationship that was dysfunctional and quite difficult. However, the lesson was extremely valuable and was permanently gained — and, indeed, may have been all the more permanently etched in me due to the extent of the difficulty and emotional struggle I went through.
What we stand to gain from relationships such as these will vary from one person to the next and can run the gamut from learning self-esteem, to becoming less passive and dependent, to learning to be more emotionally available, to being more caring, to being less self-absorbed — or even to becoming more discerning about relationships. The lessons can be quite diverse. However, one theme running through these learning relationships is that the universe is drawing attention to our inauthentic “stuff” that keeps us from being who we really are and is asking us to work on it. Not everyone, of course, will work on all, or even any, of his/her stuff in a lifetime because that may indeed be, as previously mentioned, what we are to experience in that lifetime – never getting back to our pure essence (and, also as previously mentioned, not everyone will have much inauthentic stuff to work on or clear).
Interestingly, I’ve seen another mechanism by which these learning relationships operate and that has to do with another factor that induces the two people to be together in a relationship, other than just the resonance of the inauthentic stuff. This factor will often manifest itself as a “pull” between the two people. This pull is often experienced as a sexual attraction, but may also be experienced as a mental or psychic pull: they are just drawn to the other person for some reason and can’t get that person out of his/her mind; or they are continually trying to figure the other person out. (And, yes, this can lead to obsession.)
What I have frequently seen that I find fascinating is that often when the lesson that was a major raison d’être for the relationship is finally learned, the pull between the two of them — sexual attraction, mental conundrum, obsession, or whatever — just disappears as if by magic. I regard this “pull,” however it is expressed and experienced, as a device used by the universe to get us to learn a lesson (by getting us into the relationship that will teach us the lesson). Such an interesting and creative device!
(Excerpted from “Invisible Blueprints”)
“Love is everything. It is the key to life, and its influences are those that move the world.”
-Ralph Waldo Trine
“Interdependence is and ought to be as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency. Man is a social being.”
-Mohandas K. Gandhi
My Integrative Intuitive Counseling work with clients over the past fifteen-plus years has given me the bird’s-eye view of relationships and the dynamics involved in them from an energetic point of view.
One of the areas in which I had early glimpses of these realizations and lessons in energy is that of relationships, especially romantic relationships. It goes without saying that relationships are very important to most of us and represent an extremely important aspect of our human experience, as Trine and Gandhi above so articulately expressed it. So of course most clients will want information on this area of their lives.
I’ve looked at many, many relationships over the past several years, including those a client was involved in at the time of a session, those from a client’s past, and future relationships. I’ve also looked at nonromantic relationships, including those with friends, parents, children, other family members, work colleagues, etc. I have increasingly gained insight into how relationships work (and why they do work at times and often do not work) and what the causative or contributing factors to the dynamics operative in this aspect of our lives may be. Over time, I gradually saw several factors that I feel influence the dynamics and viability of relationships.
Resonance of Energies
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
-Carl Jung
“Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between partners.”
-Colette Dowling
Early on in looking at romantic relationships I was primarily sensing how people’s energies resonated — or didn’t resonate well — and how that energetic resonance between the two of them affected both the dynamics of the relationship and the positive or negative aspects of what the people in the relationship were experiencing. Some people’s energies resonated quite well. Other people’s energies quite simply abraded.
For example, I’ve seen relationships in which one person’s energy was overwhelming the other’s energy. This often leads to the latter person feeling overwhelmed and powerless or constrained, certainly not a pleasant way to feel in a relationship. I’ve also seen relationships in which one person’s energy is warm and expansive and the other person’s energy is cooler or indifferent and/or contracted or narrow. This is also not a good interaction of energies. As telling as these dynamics of energy resonances were, I came to learn in time, however, that there were factors involved other than just the resonance of energies that contributed to whether relationships were good, workable, or true partners or “soul mates.”
Learning Relationships
“How savage is love that plants a flower and uproots a field; that revives us for a day and stuns us for an age!”
-Kahlil Gibran
I soon came to see how people’s inauthentic stuff — their issues — affected the dynamics in a relationship. Because the inauthentic overlay contributes to and affects one’s general energy, this inauthentic stuff will often be part of what is resonating (or abrading) between two people’s energies.
Often the pull between two people will be their “stuff” resonating, rather than who they really are. For example, one of the more common manifestations of this type of resonance occurs when a dependent person who may also be sensitive emotionally and/or come from some sort of abusive background is romantically involved with someone with strong and controlling energy; or when one person who is open emotionally and needs to connect and communicate openly with his/her partner is involved with someone who is closed down or withdrawn emotionally and thus neither available emotionally nor oriented towards truly openly connecting with someone. I have seen instances in which two people’s “stuff” is so complex and mutually resonating that they appear to fit together like a complex system of reciprocal keys fitting into each other’s locks. Often a condition of button-pushing and/or mutual interdependence in an unhealthy manner results from this type of resonance. (Hence, the term codependence.) Relationships of this type often exemplify a mixture of contradictory energies; they may be love/hate relationships or be full of volatility – and are rarely “clear sailing.” They are also frequently quite painful and can be emotionally draining.
This type of relationship, that is based on the inauthentic stuff resonating is often, as you may suspect, doomed to failure. I have seen many clients who were in this type of relationship and who may have stuck it out for years because they have both resistance to and inertia over getting out of the situation. Other clients may extricate themselves in a shorter period of time. If, how, and when these relationships are resolved is usually a function of the individual’s process and growth and his/her readiness for or resistance to change.
Usually when the decision is made to leave the relationship, it is because the person initiating that change has grown personally to the point where the personal lessons from the relationship are learned and the relationship no longer serves a purpose or feels the same. In other words, the resonance is no longer there. (This latter instance is representative of the common phenomenon that, as we learn and grow, we may grow past the people we’ve been close to, if they are not also evolving and growing. Kristen Zambucka described this phenomenon when she stated that, “We outgrow people, places, and things as we unfold. We may be saddened when old friends say their piece and leave our lives…but let them go. They were at a different stage and looking in a different direction.” This can be disconcerting to us, especially if we don’t realize that, if our energies are no longer resonating, any former feeling of closeness usually evaporates — and if we further don’t realize that this “changing of partners” is indicative of something positive in us, i.e., our personal growth.)
Over time and through repeatedly seeing a number of this type of relationship, I came to realize that these relationships that are based on the partners’ inauthentic stuff resonating are what I now call learning relationships. In other words, we often enter into some relationships primarily to learn and grow by working on our inauthentic stuff, and this purpose of learning tends to be the primary raison d’être for this type of relationship. This is distinguished from the soul mate or partner relationship in which we may be stimulating each other’s growth, but it’s not the sole purpose for the relationship.
The positive aspect of learning relationships is that they are often a wonderful catalyst for our growth. Each learning relationship tends to be centered around healing or reworking one or more aspects of our stuff. Put another way, “Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you” (Mike Murdock). And, usually, until we work on whatever the relationship is trying to teach us and we “get” it, we are doomed to keep repeating the lesson; that is, we can have a pattern of serially entering into similar relationships. Recognizing that we have a pattern in relationships can give us the key to realizing that there is something in ourselves to work on. “To understand is to perceive patterns,” Isaiah Berlin wrote — including our own patterns.
If, instead, we don’t recognize that there is something to work on in ourselves we may stay stuck in the pattern for a more prolonged period of time. Often we will then project our unhappiness and blame externally and decry all men or all women as being “worthless,” “unavailable,” etc. — until we learn to figuratively point that finger back towards ourselves and look within to see what we need to work on or change in ourselves. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” (Jung). Or, as Molière wrote, “One should examine oneself for a long time before thinking of condemning others.”
A variation on this theme of projection and blame centers around those people who are “rescuers.” Rescuers (not an essence type) are often soft-hearted people who are perpetually trying to help and rescue others, sometimes to the extent that they actually believe that that is one of their purposes in life. As with those who project their own stuff outwardly and blame others and things outside of themselves, rescuers often need to figuratively point their fingers back at themselves and look within for what they need to rescue in themselves. A pattern of needing to rescue others often serves to deflect one’s attention from his/her own stuff and what he/she needs to work on within him/herself. As Aldous Huxley wrote, “There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that’s your own self.”
Learning relationships, especially those that engage us emotionally in an intense manner, are a strong mechanism by which we can evolve, as we are stimulated more — through the power of emotion — by these often difficult and/or painful relationship experiences. I myself gained a major lesson in self-esteem through a relationship that was dysfunctional and quite difficult. However, the lesson was extremely valuable and was permanently gained — and, indeed, may have been all the more permanently etched in me due to the extent of the difficulty and emotional struggle I went through.
What we stand to gain from relationships such as these will vary from one person to the next and can run the gamut from learning self-esteem, to becoming less passive and dependent, to learning to be more emotionally available, to being more caring, to being less self-absorbed — or even to becoming more discerning about relationships. The lessons can be quite diverse. However, one theme running through these learning relationships is that the universe is drawing attention to our inauthentic “stuff” that keeps us from being who we really are and is asking us to work on it. Not everyone, of course, will work on all, or even any, of his/her stuff in a lifetime because that may indeed be, as previously mentioned, what we are to experience in that lifetime – never getting back to our pure essence (and, also as previously mentioned, not everyone will have much inauthentic stuff to work on or clear).
Interestingly, I’ve seen another mechanism by which these learning relationships operate and that has to do with another factor that induces the two people to be together in a relationship, other than just the resonance of the inauthentic stuff. This factor will often manifest itself as a “pull” between the two people. This pull is often experienced as a sexual attraction, but may also be experienced as a mental or psychic pull: they are just drawn to the other person for some reason and can’t get that person out of his/her mind; or they are continually trying to figure the other person out. (And, yes, this can lead to obsession.)
What I have frequently seen that I find fascinating is that often when the lesson that was a major raison d’être for the relationship is finally learned, the pull between the two of them — sexual attraction, mental conundrum, obsession, or whatever — just disappears as if by magic. I regard this “pull,” however it is expressed and experienced, as a device used by the universe to get us to learn a lesson (by getting us into the relationship that will teach us the lesson). Such an interesting and creative device!
The Best Relationships Help You Will Ever Find
Often men and women are at opposite ends of the spectrum when the issue of relationships is taken into account. Their behaviors and differences are most noticeable when taking into consideration how they behave during emotion charged conflicts. This provides a clear insight into realizing how they process their differences.
According to surveys written by relationship counselors, limited communication is credited for more than half of the failed relationships that are observed and documented. This is not a surprise to anyone who has lived inside a relationship that has lasted more than a couple of weeks.
One very interesting factor is the number of reasons that lead to the failure of relationships. Stories of the behavioral misdeeds and misunderstandings that trigger relationship disasters reveal an intricate series of obvious manipulations.
Differences in how individuals in a relationship were raised and the reasons couples came together in the first place can differ so much that their motives often contribute to tears in the fabric of the relationship.
One example is the emotional baggage one or both partners may carry from from having survived terrible childhood experiences. What is learned from each perspective that is observed provides examples that counselors apply from their session successes and small failures.
This equips them to help couples from a diverse range of points of view. The knowledge and experience of long sessions with couples focused coaching provides relationship coaches a rich storehouse of tools for helping partners in a relationship.
The old expression, “Knowledge is power,” sounds true once it is pointed toward a relationship’s survival. When couples take even a few minutes to focus on their relationship strengths, they can learn to make the relationship stronger. By stronger I mean, the strength that many relationships experience is founded on old mental junk being experienced over and over by the partners.
In nearly every situation couples keep their baggage a secret from their partner. Most of the time partners wait until it’s too late to share their baggage with their partner. The primary issue that hurts the relationship is often not the emotional baggage or the related issues that contribute to the break up of the relationship.
What tends to accelerate the failure of the relationship is the silent misery and suffering compounded with a quietly held feeling that the other partner should actually know everything about this baggage, even though neither of them has ever risked talking directly about the issue that causes them to suffer.
Working to make your relationship work may seem like a big task but often adding more humor can have an amazing impact. There are many ways to put your relationship on a different track, but it may take lots of out of the box thinking to get the ball rolling. John Maxwell, the extremely talented author of “Relationships 101,” says, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” In many relationships couples ignore this most valuable part of any relationship’s potential for improvement.
Thinking more about looking at ways of growing your relationship outside he physical level of living together, means each partner must be profoundly dedicated to the other partner. Once both partners center on their loyalty to each other change can begin.
This step includes undertaking the risk of assuming each of the partners is keeping a secret about the baggage they bought into the relationship. This is not a suggestion that partners pry or aggressively intrude into the other partner’s privacy, because privacy is always vital in a relationship.
The message here is that while privacy must forever be honored, partners must share the secrets that could hurt the relationship if they are not disclosed. Communicating is not requiring your partner to divulge every detail of their day. True communication travels to physical and emotional locations untouched by words alone.
What helps to translate the balance that is required starts with looking into the heart of the matter and searching for a means of locating a handle on one’s own baggage. Many times partners are attracted to each other because of their differences.
It is well known that children who experience an abusive environment will mostly find themselves in an abusive relationship as an adult. Acknowledging the reality of the presence of this baggage in one’s self forms the basis of the subconscious desire for the other partner’s understanding in the form of silent knowing.
Additionally, it is also true that this baggage, once revealed, helps the partner gain an enhanced understanding of the behaviors and barriers that have been part of the relationship. The healing and preventative process should start out with a message and an understanding that all old baggage, both known and unknown, lives|in the relationship.
Both partners must also acknowledge that open and honest communication is the primary component for the success of the relationship, while limited communication can be the main cause for any potential for the failure of the relationship. Relationships where limited communication is the norm won’t survive.
Relationships survive when open and sensitive communication is active and practiced regularly. Once open communication is ends, so does the relationship.
According to surveys written by relationship counselors, limited communication is credited for more than half of the failed relationships that are observed and documented. This is not a surprise to anyone who has lived inside a relationship that has lasted more than a couple of weeks.
One very interesting factor is the number of reasons that lead to the failure of relationships. Stories of the behavioral misdeeds and misunderstandings that trigger relationship disasters reveal an intricate series of obvious manipulations.
Differences in how individuals in a relationship were raised and the reasons couples came together in the first place can differ so much that their motives often contribute to tears in the fabric of the relationship.
One example is the emotional baggage one or both partners may carry from from having survived terrible childhood experiences. What is learned from each perspective that is observed provides examples that counselors apply from their session successes and small failures.
This equips them to help couples from a diverse range of points of view. The knowledge and experience of long sessions with couples focused coaching provides relationship coaches a rich storehouse of tools for helping partners in a relationship.
The old expression, “Knowledge is power,” sounds true once it is pointed toward a relationship’s survival. When couples take even a few minutes to focus on their relationship strengths, they can learn to make the relationship stronger. By stronger I mean, the strength that many relationships experience is founded on old mental junk being experienced over and over by the partners.
In nearly every situation couples keep their baggage a secret from their partner. Most of the time partners wait until it’s too late to share their baggage with their partner. The primary issue that hurts the relationship is often not the emotional baggage or the related issues that contribute to the break up of the relationship.
What tends to accelerate the failure of the relationship is the silent misery and suffering compounded with a quietly held feeling that the other partner should actually know everything about this baggage, even though neither of them has ever risked talking directly about the issue that causes them to suffer.
Working to make your relationship work may seem like a big task but often adding more humor can have an amazing impact. There are many ways to put your relationship on a different track, but it may take lots of out of the box thinking to get the ball rolling. John Maxwell, the extremely talented author of “Relationships 101,” says, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” In many relationships couples ignore this most valuable part of any relationship’s potential for improvement.
Thinking more about looking at ways of growing your relationship outside he physical level of living together, means each partner must be profoundly dedicated to the other partner. Once both partners center on their loyalty to each other change can begin.
This step includes undertaking the risk of assuming each of the partners is keeping a secret about the baggage they bought into the relationship. This is not a suggestion that partners pry or aggressively intrude into the other partner’s privacy, because privacy is always vital in a relationship.
The message here is that while privacy must forever be honored, partners must share the secrets that could hurt the relationship if they are not disclosed. Communicating is not requiring your partner to divulge every detail of their day. True communication travels to physical and emotional locations untouched by words alone.
What helps to translate the balance that is required starts with looking into the heart of the matter and searching for a means of locating a handle on one’s own baggage. Many times partners are attracted to each other because of their differences.
It is well known that children who experience an abusive environment will mostly find themselves in an abusive relationship as an adult. Acknowledging the reality of the presence of this baggage in one’s self forms the basis of the subconscious desire for the other partner’s understanding in the form of silent knowing.
Additionally, it is also true that this baggage, once revealed, helps the partner gain an enhanced understanding of the behaviors and barriers that have been part of the relationship. The healing and preventative process should start out with a message and an understanding that all old baggage, both known and unknown, lives|in the relationship.
Both partners must also acknowledge that open and honest communication is the primary component for the success of the relationship, while limited communication can be the main cause for any potential for the failure of the relationship. Relationships where limited communication is the norm won’t survive.
Relationships survive when open and sensitive communication is active and practiced regularly. Once open communication is ends, so does the relationship.
Interracial Relationships
How to Save a Relationship — the Unconventional Techniques
What happened? Why is your relationship drifting apart? Do you want to keep your relationship? Is it worth keeping? Lots of difficult questions. How to save a relationship? Under an emotional state of mind a guide will be helpful in answering some of these questions. It is best if your partner is involved as relationship is about two human beings.
1. Is there anything worth saving in your relationship?
List down the positives about your relationship. Keep the negatives out. The positives are usually what gets the both of you into the relationship in the beginning. The positives are the drivers to give the both of you the determination to want and on how to save your relationship. Note that there are no right or wrong answers on how to save a relationship as it will depends on your values and priorities.
2. Identify the root or real causes that are hurting your relationship
First list down the symptoms that both of you feel are hurting your relationship. The symptoms are much easier to identify. Example of symptom is like a headache but the root or real cause of the headache could be due to a lack of sleep. From the symptoms, identify the underlying root or real cause for each of the symptom. These are probably your negatives in your relationship. Be open with each other when discussing these. If it is difficult because of the emotions involved, suggest to involve a counselor or somebody that the both of you are comfortable with.
3. Develop a plan to work on the root or real causes
Once the root or real causes are identified, develop a plan on how to save a relationship. Solutions will be readily available from many sources like from books, magazines, the internet, your counselor, friends and others. It all depends on how creative you are. Prioritize on a few critical ones as not all problems are of equal importance. It takes a lot of effort and time, and such prioritizing is important as the effort put in much give maximum impact or result. Choose the solutions that both of you are comfortable with.
4. What does it take to make the plan works?
A want to save the relationship. When there is a desire, there will be effort to make things happened. Human beings are creature of emotions. Be respectful of each other emotions. When emotions are involved, logic has no place in the solution. Address the emotions first before addressing the solutions. A relationship is about compromise. Without compromise, the relationship will not work. Winning every arguments or being right every time does not earn relationship points. To lose an argument and winning relationship points would be the best compromise. Relationship is all about communication. To communicate is to open up the relationship. Just like our human body, when you have a cut, the pain you feel is the communication to you to treat the cut in order to maintain a healthy body. As such communication in a relationship is a feedback to maintain a healthy relationship. There is no perfect plan. Make adjustments as and when required.
Relationship building is not a one night stand. If you do not want to put in time and effort to a relationship, do not commit to one. It takes a lot of sacrifice, effort and time to build up a wonderful and lasting relationship but the rewards are bountiful.
Watch an excellent video that reveals the most important steps and the unconventional strategies on how to save a relationship.
1. Is there anything worth saving in your relationship?
List down the positives about your relationship. Keep the negatives out. The positives are usually what gets the both of you into the relationship in the beginning. The positives are the drivers to give the both of you the determination to want and on how to save your relationship. Note that there are no right or wrong answers on how to save a relationship as it will depends on your values and priorities.
2. Identify the root or real causes that are hurting your relationship
First list down the symptoms that both of you feel are hurting your relationship. The symptoms are much easier to identify. Example of symptom is like a headache but the root or real cause of the headache could be due to a lack of sleep. From the symptoms, identify the underlying root or real cause for each of the symptom. These are probably your negatives in your relationship. Be open with each other when discussing these. If it is difficult because of the emotions involved, suggest to involve a counselor or somebody that the both of you are comfortable with.
3. Develop a plan to work on the root or real causes
Once the root or real causes are identified, develop a plan on how to save a relationship. Solutions will be readily available from many sources like from books, magazines, the internet, your counselor, friends and others. It all depends on how creative you are. Prioritize on a few critical ones as not all problems are of equal importance. It takes a lot of effort and time, and such prioritizing is important as the effort put in much give maximum impact or result. Choose the solutions that both of you are comfortable with.
4. What does it take to make the plan works?
A want to save the relationship. When there is a desire, there will be effort to make things happened. Human beings are creature of emotions. Be respectful of each other emotions. When emotions are involved, logic has no place in the solution. Address the emotions first before addressing the solutions. A relationship is about compromise. Without compromise, the relationship will not work. Winning every arguments or being right every time does not earn relationship points. To lose an argument and winning relationship points would be the best compromise. Relationship is all about communication. To communicate is to open up the relationship. Just like our human body, when you have a cut, the pain you feel is the communication to you to treat the cut in order to maintain a healthy body. As such communication in a relationship is a feedback to maintain a healthy relationship. There is no perfect plan. Make adjustments as and when required.
Relationship building is not a one night stand. If you do not want to put in time and effort to a relationship, do not commit to one. It takes a lot of sacrifice, effort and time to build up a wonderful and lasting relationship but the rewards are bountiful.
Watch an excellent video that reveals the most important steps and the unconventional strategies on how to save a relationship.
Having a Good Relationship With Your Parents
Relationships of all kinds are regularly perceived as very delicate things especially with the parents that demand remedy power to assert. However, a relationship can also be something that can offer wellbeing and be long lasting although many trials.
Building competent and lasting relationships with parents is an essential for numerous reasons. For example in a family, the well-being of the family members depends on how useful and useful the members workings.
An ineffective any of family members can truly be very frustrating. A valuable family can also ask so much on the members, that sometimes the members would be having no life scarce the stockade of the sphere where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of the life just to collect and problem the parents. For family members with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown if only specific qualities works on it.
Family is a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their stake to achieve a public goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and manner are manifested, can make citizens work better. In this way each element works for the good of the unbroken and towards achieving a common goal which is to concern for the parents. This can only be attained with capable and efficient relationships.
Understanding parents affection and positioning manually in the right way creates an operative and efficient relationship. The easiest reasoning to understand what is important to your parents is to ask them what they want and eavesdrop to what they have to say. When the surplus of the family realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them.
Effective and efficient relationships with parents hardship family members openly to state their feelings and positions on all matters related on the relationship. If the family members understand the needs of parents will leads into better family environment.
Respect is the key to relationship. To spawn a more actual relationship with parents, all should treat one another with point. We can show sense towards parents just by listening to them and by tiresome really to understand how and what they want. You can also show recognize your parents by confirming that they burden everything they can.
Respect parents are the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.
Another key fielded in forming an actual relationship is to tackle differences of the parents openly. Differences between parents are extremely interesting. This is because they will achieve that you are focusing on them that will generate strange kind of suspicion what we called LOVE.
Love is not something we asking for it or easily creating it for the sake of something. Love is something within you. Love is something you hardly expressing it with your terms. Love is something where parents and you acknowledge that the relationship is important. That faction would then exert more time, sweat and energy to understand the parents needs and covenant with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for parents will know that you tried.
Effectively listening and no prejudging is the key successful relationship this is important for you to understand that. Parents always judging you based on something. This is the spirit of parents the looking improvements in your life.
They pass out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.
Developing an atmosphere where the parents can explicit their feelings when they need to. When parents fast anything is on their brains or their feelings, it can get in the way of house an effective relationship.
Relationships are important to someone, addressing issues and troubles right away is a must to extra farther the relationship.
Building competent and lasting relationships with parents is an essential for numerous reasons. For example in a family, the well-being of the family members depends on how useful and useful the members workings.
An ineffective any of family members can truly be very frustrating. A valuable family can also ask so much on the members, that sometimes the members would be having no life scarce the stockade of the sphere where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of the life just to collect and problem the parents. For family members with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown if only specific qualities works on it.
Family is a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their stake to achieve a public goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and manner are manifested, can make citizens work better. In this way each element works for the good of the unbroken and towards achieving a common goal which is to concern for the parents. This can only be attained with capable and efficient relationships.
Understanding parents affection and positioning manually in the right way creates an operative and efficient relationship. The easiest reasoning to understand what is important to your parents is to ask them what they want and eavesdrop to what they have to say. When the surplus of the family realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them.
Effective and efficient relationships with parents hardship family members openly to state their feelings and positions on all matters related on the relationship. If the family members understand the needs of parents will leads into better family environment.
Respect is the key to relationship. To spawn a more actual relationship with parents, all should treat one another with point. We can show sense towards parents just by listening to them and by tiresome really to understand how and what they want. You can also show recognize your parents by confirming that they burden everything they can.
Respect parents are the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.
Another key fielded in forming an actual relationship is to tackle differences of the parents openly. Differences between parents are extremely interesting. This is because they will achieve that you are focusing on them that will generate strange kind of suspicion what we called LOVE.
Love is not something we asking for it or easily creating it for the sake of something. Love is something within you. Love is something you hardly expressing it with your terms. Love is something where parents and you acknowledge that the relationship is important. That faction would then exert more time, sweat and energy to understand the parents needs and covenant with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for parents will know that you tried.
Effectively listening and no prejudging is the key successful relationship this is important for you to understand that. Parents always judging you based on something. This is the spirit of parents the looking improvements in your life.
They pass out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.
Developing an atmosphere where the parents can explicit their feelings when they need to. When parents fast anything is on their brains or their feelings, it can get in the way of house an effective relationship.
Relationships are important to someone, addressing issues and troubles right away is a must to extra farther the relationship.
Are you Addicted to Bad Relationships?
Advertising executive, Carol Fena has been in and out of a relationship with banker, Neal for the last two years. They break up for a week or two but then keep getting back together until the next blow-up. Carol’s friends can’t understand why she keeps going back to Neal and why she is so addicted to him in spite of the fact that he is emotionally abusive.
Many are the people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we ourselves realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another… relationships that didn’t work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we’re not just talking about intimate and love relationships. We’re talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.
Sometimes the poisoned relationship is with a family member or an in-law. Or perhaps a friendship has lived out its purpose. In this case, so much time has been invested in the friendship that it is hard to let go. However, addictive relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women.
UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS
Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but can also cloud your life with frustration, emptiness and despair. It can drain your energy and make you tense and stressed. Addicts become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. Such people struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves. Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them.
One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are addictive. In case of romantic relationships, entering a relationship based on the fear of being alone is totally self-destructive. In this type of scenario, an individual will choose to be with just about anybody to fill the void he/she has in life. Desperation for love and romance to fulfill your desires may lead to selection of wrong partners. So, if you use your fears and insecurities to make your relationship decisions, you inevitably will have to suffer pain and suffering.
ATTACHMENT HUNGER
A person who is excessively attached to another person most likely carried those habits over from past relationships. The conditions in past relationships can leave a person feeling inadequate or mentally and/or physically abused. Romantic relationships are not the only type that causes such habits to develop; they can also stem from lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, early abandonment, unrecognised early needs and fears of rejection. Often, children who are not loved, nurtured and encouraged in their independence are left feeling ‘needy’ as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships. These ‘clingy’ feelings which develop early in childhood, often operate without awareness and can exert considerable influence on a person’s life. Often, dysfunctional relationship patterns are passed on from parents to their children.
Thus, unhealthy relationships can be a source of great agony if there is emotional or physical abuse involved. Often, relation addicts do not want to see or believe that their parents, spouses, children or friends can be a toxic influence in their life. This kind of denial may last a lifetime, or it may give way to a painful awareness that the relationship is not healthy. Also, for many people caught in this trap, it is often a vicious circle. For them, the end of one relationship is not always the end of the battle. They choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behaviour never seem to learn from their experience.
BREAKING THE CYCLE OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS
All relationships leave very important clues about who and what we are. Try to remember all the relationships that you know have been bad for you. Think of the relationship history and look for patterns, themes and repeating incidents. “If it is all about everyone else and what they did to you, it means you are a victim, helpless to affect change. When you can see where you are contributing to the problems, you can make changes. Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for healing. You can talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor depending upon the severity of your situation. Sometimes having an outsider’s perspective is helpful. Such a person can help you filter through your options and underlying motives for making a decision. Often, it is difflcult to sever ties with people with whom you are emotionally involved - say family members, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, ete. Breaking up will not be easy. Be sure to resolve any guilt you might be feeling. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses and faults. We are attracted to bad traits in people and consequently, these characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships. These people have no other way of relating to us. It will take some re-learning and re-conditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term. You have to let go of negative relationships. It could mean you have to break a business partnership. It could mean you need to call off an engagement. It might require you to avoid toxic friends and acquire some new friends who are true to you.
STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE
Married people stay together to work out their issues. This approach to marriage counselling believes that your partner is the right person to help you heal your wounds. With this approach, many marriages can be saved. However, there are three reasons to leave a relationship: The Three As. There is severe abuse, severe adultery and severe addiction. These three extreme conditions rarely change. In such cases, getting out of the relationship is important. You are putting yourself, and possibly others, in serious jeopardy if you continue to stay in the relationship. Divorce in such cases is merited. Also, partners sometimes stay in bad marriages for the sake of the children. But this can be a big mistake if there is abuse involved, because doing so puts a terrible burden on the children. But marriage experts believe that each marriage has different issues and if the problems can be solved amicably, there is no need for divorce. A study conducted by sociologist Linda Waite at University of Chicago suggests that staying together is better for the children. She writes in The Case for Marriage that “most current divorces leave children worse off, educationally and financially, than they would have been if their parents stayed married, and a majority of divorces leave children psychologically worse off as well. Only a minority of divorces are taking place in families where children are likely to benefit in any way from their parents’ separation. I do not advocate divorce as a first step when a marriage is going awry. There are always ups and downs in a marriage. Anyone can manage life during good times. It is getting through the bad times that makes or breaks a relationship.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
It is not difficult to break bad relationship habits. Once you decide to let go off your clingy nature, healing will automatically come. Once you aim to heal your past and maintain healthy relationships, you will automatically stay away from associating with toxic people. Always try to keep your relationships healthy. People in healthy relationships grow together and don’t stunt each other’s progress. Learn to respect your individuality and give and take space. Sometimes we have to associate with negative people, but if you have a healthy self-esteem and courage to stand up for yourself, you won’t be affected by such people. Thus, the first step towards breaking bad relationship habits is having a strong conception of your own identity. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. So, if you feel contempt for yourself or think very little of yourself, you may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to you. Learn to recognise such patterns in your life and pluck them off. There will be anger, resentment, hurt and pain. But, you will be breaking your psychological dependency on other people. Recovering from relationship addiction is a process of acknowledging and then letting go of pain, and finding ways to build a happy life.
OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION
1) Make your ‘recovery’ the first priority in your life. Look for roots of emotional abuse.
2) Go through your early relationships. Tell yourself that you’re an adult now, in charge of your life. Invest your time in disconnecting from the emotions that have been eating you alive.
3) Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.
4) Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs; you will no longer need to seek security from others.
5) Develop your spiritual side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavour.
6) Learn not to get hooked into bad relationships.
7) Find a support group of friends who understand the pressures you might be facing.
Consider getting professional help, if need arises.
Many are the people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we ourselves realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another… relationships that didn’t work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we’re not just talking about intimate and love relationships. We’re talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.
Sometimes the poisoned relationship is with a family member or an in-law. Or perhaps a friendship has lived out its purpose. In this case, so much time has been invested in the friendship that it is hard to let go. However, addictive relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women.
UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS
Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but can also cloud your life with frustration, emptiness and despair. It can drain your energy and make you tense and stressed. Addicts become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. Such people struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves. Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them.
One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are addictive. In case of romantic relationships, entering a relationship based on the fear of being alone is totally self-destructive. In this type of scenario, an individual will choose to be with just about anybody to fill the void he/she has in life. Desperation for love and romance to fulfill your desires may lead to selection of wrong partners. So, if you use your fears and insecurities to make your relationship decisions, you inevitably will have to suffer pain and suffering.
ATTACHMENT HUNGER
A person who is excessively attached to another person most likely carried those habits over from past relationships. The conditions in past relationships can leave a person feeling inadequate or mentally and/or physically abused. Romantic relationships are not the only type that causes such habits to develop; they can also stem from lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, early abandonment, unrecognised early needs and fears of rejection. Often, children who are not loved, nurtured and encouraged in their independence are left feeling ‘needy’ as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships. These ‘clingy’ feelings which develop early in childhood, often operate without awareness and can exert considerable influence on a person’s life. Often, dysfunctional relationship patterns are passed on from parents to their children.
Thus, unhealthy relationships can be a source of great agony if there is emotional or physical abuse involved. Often, relation addicts do not want to see or believe that their parents, spouses, children or friends can be a toxic influence in their life. This kind of denial may last a lifetime, or it may give way to a painful awareness that the relationship is not healthy. Also, for many people caught in this trap, it is often a vicious circle. For them, the end of one relationship is not always the end of the battle. They choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behaviour never seem to learn from their experience.
BREAKING THE CYCLE OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS
All relationships leave very important clues about who and what we are. Try to remember all the relationships that you know have been bad for you. Think of the relationship history and look for patterns, themes and repeating incidents. “If it is all about everyone else and what they did to you, it means you are a victim, helpless to affect change. When you can see where you are contributing to the problems, you can make changes. Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for healing. You can talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor depending upon the severity of your situation. Sometimes having an outsider’s perspective is helpful. Such a person can help you filter through your options and underlying motives for making a decision. Often, it is difflcult to sever ties with people with whom you are emotionally involved - say family members, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, ete. Breaking up will not be easy. Be sure to resolve any guilt you might be feeling. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses and faults. We are attracted to bad traits in people and consequently, these characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships. These people have no other way of relating to us. It will take some re-learning and re-conditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term. You have to let go of negative relationships. It could mean you have to break a business partnership. It could mean you need to call off an engagement. It might require you to avoid toxic friends and acquire some new friends who are true to you.
STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE
Married people stay together to work out their issues. This approach to marriage counselling believes that your partner is the right person to help you heal your wounds. With this approach, many marriages can be saved. However, there are three reasons to leave a relationship: The Three As. There is severe abuse, severe adultery and severe addiction. These three extreme conditions rarely change. In such cases, getting out of the relationship is important. You are putting yourself, and possibly others, in serious jeopardy if you continue to stay in the relationship. Divorce in such cases is merited. Also, partners sometimes stay in bad marriages for the sake of the children. But this can be a big mistake if there is abuse involved, because doing so puts a terrible burden on the children. But marriage experts believe that each marriage has different issues and if the problems can be solved amicably, there is no need for divorce. A study conducted by sociologist Linda Waite at University of Chicago suggests that staying together is better for the children. She writes in The Case for Marriage that “most current divorces leave children worse off, educationally and financially, than they would have been if their parents stayed married, and a majority of divorces leave children psychologically worse off as well. Only a minority of divorces are taking place in families where children are likely to benefit in any way from their parents’ separation. I do not advocate divorce as a first step when a marriage is going awry. There are always ups and downs in a marriage. Anyone can manage life during good times. It is getting through the bad times that makes or breaks a relationship.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
It is not difficult to break bad relationship habits. Once you decide to let go off your clingy nature, healing will automatically come. Once you aim to heal your past and maintain healthy relationships, you will automatically stay away from associating with toxic people. Always try to keep your relationships healthy. People in healthy relationships grow together and don’t stunt each other’s progress. Learn to respect your individuality and give and take space. Sometimes we have to associate with negative people, but if you have a healthy self-esteem and courage to stand up for yourself, you won’t be affected by such people. Thus, the first step towards breaking bad relationship habits is having a strong conception of your own identity. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. So, if you feel contempt for yourself or think very little of yourself, you may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to you. Learn to recognise such patterns in your life and pluck them off. There will be anger, resentment, hurt and pain. But, you will be breaking your psychological dependency on other people. Recovering from relationship addiction is a process of acknowledging and then letting go of pain, and finding ways to build a happy life.
OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION
1) Make your ‘recovery’ the first priority in your life. Look for roots of emotional abuse.
2) Go through your early relationships. Tell yourself that you’re an adult now, in charge of your life. Invest your time in disconnecting from the emotions that have been eating you alive.
3) Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.
4) Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs; you will no longer need to seek security from others.
5) Develop your spiritual side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavour.
6) Learn not to get hooked into bad relationships.
7) Find a support group of friends who understand the pressures you might be facing.
Consider getting professional help, if need arises.How to Save a Relationship - 5 Steps to Save Your Relationship
You are here because you are wondering how to save a relationship, your relationship. Maybe one or both of you works long hours. Maybe one or both of you feels neglected. Maybe infidelity is involved. No matter, the question is how to save the relationship. Here are 5 important steps on how to save your relationship…
Step 1 - Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?
The first thing you must do is figure out if your relationship is really worth saving. Now, it is true that nearly every relationship can be saved with hard work and commitment from both parties in the relationship. But, both parties must be committed to make it work. If one does not commit to it, then there is little that can be done to save the relationship. And many couples stay in a relationship because it is convenient / easier to do, or, stay because of the children.
How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is really worth saving and not just for the children (although this is important) or convenience sake.
Step 2 - Identify The Root Problem(s) In Your Relationship
Next, you must figure out the problem(s) in your relationship. And I mean the root problem, not the symptom(s). One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people generally mistake the symptoms of the problem for the problem itself. For example, many people think that an affair is a problem that causes break ups. But the affair is a usually a symptom of a deeper problem.
For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying partner, who otherwise might not have strayed. While most people look at the ‘affair’ as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair is the ‘lack of intimacy’ in the primary relationship. True, you might be able to keep another affair from happening through the use of ‘guilt’, but another problem could occur simply because you have not dealt with the root problem, the lack of intimacy.
This is only one example, but when you start to deal with the root problems in your relationship and not the symptoms, then your relationship can be saved.
Step 3 - Communicate Effectively
Having pinpointed the root problem(s), you should now be in a much better position to begin to share your thoughts with each other. This means listening to your partner’s concerns, as well as verbalizing your own feelings and concerns. You can hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are all over the place.
And remember that, when your partner says things that may hurt you, they are not doing it to hurt you, but because they want to improve your relationship. This is a very important part of the healing process, so keep your head and do not let your emotions run away with you.
Step 4 - Create An Action Plan
Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an agreed actionable plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you do not spend time together like you used to do, then arrange one night a week for example. And take turns coming up with creative ways to spend that evening together over the weeks. If it is not possible at this stage to spend an evening together, then agree to commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.
Step 5 - Accept That Saving A Relationship Is An Ongoing Process
Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. And be patient.
Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.
Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.
Now, if you are still certain that you want to save your relationship then go here http://how-to-get-your-ex-back-using-magic.blogspot.com where you will get more free advice on video and some important info. on more advanced techniques on how to save your relationship.
Step 1 - Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?
The first thing you must do is figure out if your relationship is really worth saving. Now, it is true that nearly every relationship can be saved with hard work and commitment from both parties in the relationship. But, both parties must be committed to make it work. If one does not commit to it, then there is little that can be done to save the relationship. And many couples stay in a relationship because it is convenient / easier to do, or, stay because of the children.
How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is really worth saving and not just for the children (although this is important) or convenience sake.
Step 2 - Identify The Root Problem(s) In Your Relationship
Next, you must figure out the problem(s) in your relationship. And I mean the root problem, not the symptom(s). One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people generally mistake the symptoms of the problem for the problem itself. For example, many people think that an affair is a problem that causes break ups. But the affair is a usually a symptom of a deeper problem.
For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying partner, who otherwise might not have strayed. While most people look at the ‘affair’ as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair is the ‘lack of intimacy’ in the primary relationship. True, you might be able to keep another affair from happening through the use of ‘guilt’, but another problem could occur simply because you have not dealt with the root problem, the lack of intimacy.
This is only one example, but when you start to deal with the root problems in your relationship and not the symptoms, then your relationship can be saved.
Step 3 - Communicate Effectively
Having pinpointed the root problem(s), you should now be in a much better position to begin to share your thoughts with each other. This means listening to your partner’s concerns, as well as verbalizing your own feelings and concerns. You can hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are all over the place.
And remember that, when your partner says things that may hurt you, they are not doing it to hurt you, but because they want to improve your relationship. This is a very important part of the healing process, so keep your head and do not let your emotions run away with you.
Step 4 - Create An Action Plan
Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an agreed actionable plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you do not spend time together like you used to do, then arrange one night a week for example. And take turns coming up with creative ways to spend that evening together over the weeks. If it is not possible at this stage to spend an evening together, then agree to commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.
Step 5 - Accept That Saving A Relationship Is An Ongoing Process
Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. And be patient.
Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.
Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to begin to save your relationship using 5 important first steps. But as with most things in life, but especially in a relationship, there are still many obstacles to overcome. If these are not handled right all your good work can be for nothing, and you may never experience the ‘magic of making up’.
Now, if you are still certain that you want to save your relationship then go here http://how-to-get-your-ex-back-using-magic.blogspot.com where you will get more free advice on video and some important info. on more advanced techniques on how to save your relationship.
Controlling Relationship - it is Important to Realize This is an Abusive Relationship
A controlling relationship can have a huge impact on your life. It can limit you in so many ways and you end up feeling stressed, unhappy, and depressed.
It is important to emphasize this type of relationship comes into the category of an abusive relationship. This needs to be stated as there are many people who would not realize this.
When you know this, it is vital to examine the primary components of an abusive relationship and see how this relates to a controlling relationship.
Firstly, it means the controlling behavior is a way of dominating and holding power over the other person in the relationship.
It is usually the man who acts in such a way as this way of being tends to flow on from a belief that men are in charge in relationships and leads to a controlling relationship.
Taking on the aspect of being in charge follows from the commonly held belief, that men have a superior status or position and is seen as a way of supporting a controlling relationship.
Many men take on these beliefs because, not surprisingly, we are instructed to think this way, and encouraged to develop personalities where we dominate, leading to controlling in relationships.
It is even suggested this dominating and controlling behavior, that a lot of men display in relationships, is explained in such ways that it is due to their disposition, character, personality, makeup etc.
The only conclusion you could draw from such explanations about a controlling person in a relationship, is, that this is to be expected, and has to be accepted, and allowances need to be made.
There you are!! If you are experiencing signs of a controlling relationship, I’m sure that makes you feel a whole lot better and you now know how you can lead your life!!
Only kidding!! However, one does hear such things as women have to recognize how different men are from them, and the way to deal with some issues in relationships, is to make allowances for the controlling in relationships.
Before proceeding I need to say that these days we often hear such things as women in relationships can be as controlling and dominating as men in relationships.
My response to that is - poppycock! That is nonsense! I will acknowledge there are exceptions, but there is no comparison.
Throughout the world every day, women are killed, raped and live in fear. The culprits are the men who are their husbands/partners/boyfriends, who have been dominating and controlling them in their relationships.
Statistics tell us that 1 in 3 women throughout the world is subjected to abuse in their relationship. This is a huge problem and very little is being done about it.
I believe if we can find solutions to this dominating and controlling behavior in relationships, we can change the world and I want to be part of that process.
In fact, I personally think there is a solution to a controlling relationship. The issue is, for this to happen, men have to be open to the process, a lot of men are not.
Unfortunately, as it stands, with this dominating and controlling behavior in relationships that is widespread throughout the world, it is a lose/lose situation for everyone involved.
The solution that is available is a win/win for everyone. One of the things that gets in the way is the view that is very common and that is everything is a win/lose.
That is if you’re not winning you’re losing.In other words if men are caught up in dominating and controlling in relationships, they can think that if they are not doing that, then they are going to be dominated and controlled.
It is like everything is a competition, and there are only winners and losers.Are you ready for the solution - drum roll please! The thing about this is that it can seem anticlimactic, as it is not such a big deal, but the consequences are gigantic.
The solution to this whole thing about dominating, controlling and holding power over in relationships, is to accept that as men and women we are of equal status!
There you have it! Doesn’t seem such a big deal does it? Seems so simple. Yet I’m sure when this is in place throughout the world the changes will be phenomenal and there will no longer be any need for dominating and controlling in relationships.
It is important to emphasize this type of relationship comes into the category of an abusive relationship. This needs to be stated as there are many people who would not realize this.
When you know this, it is vital to examine the primary components of an abusive relationship and see how this relates to a controlling relationship.
Firstly, it means the controlling behavior is a way of dominating and holding power over the other person in the relationship.
It is usually the man who acts in such a way as this way of being tends to flow on from a belief that men are in charge in relationships and leads to a controlling relationship.
Taking on the aspect of being in charge follows from the commonly held belief, that men have a superior status or position and is seen as a way of supporting a controlling relationship.
Many men take on these beliefs because, not surprisingly, we are instructed to think this way, and encouraged to develop personalities where we dominate, leading to controlling in relationships.
It is even suggested this dominating and controlling behavior, that a lot of men display in relationships, is explained in such ways that it is due to their disposition, character, personality, makeup etc.
The only conclusion you could draw from such explanations about a controlling person in a relationship, is, that this is to be expected, and has to be accepted, and allowances need to be made.
There you are!! If you are experiencing signs of a controlling relationship, I’m sure that makes you feel a whole lot better and you now know how you can lead your life!!
Only kidding!! However, one does hear such things as women have to recognize how different men are from them, and the way to deal with some issues in relationships, is to make allowances for the controlling in relationships.
Before proceeding I need to say that these days we often hear such things as women in relationships can be as controlling and dominating as men in relationships.
My response to that is - poppycock! That is nonsense! I will acknowledge there are exceptions, but there is no comparison.
Throughout the world every day, women are killed, raped and live in fear. The culprits are the men who are their husbands/partners/boyfriends, who have been dominating and controlling them in their relationships.
Statistics tell us that 1 in 3 women throughout the world is subjected to abuse in their relationship. This is a huge problem and very little is being done about it.
I believe if we can find solutions to this dominating and controlling behavior in relationships, we can change the world and I want to be part of that process.
In fact, I personally think there is a solution to a controlling relationship. The issue is, for this to happen, men have to be open to the process, a lot of men are not.
Unfortunately, as it stands, with this dominating and controlling behavior in relationships that is widespread throughout the world, it is a lose/lose situation for everyone involved.
The solution that is available is a win/win for everyone. One of the things that gets in the way is the view that is very common and that is everything is a win/lose.
That is if you’re not winning you’re losing.In other words if men are caught up in dominating and controlling in relationships, they can think that if they are not doing that, then they are going to be dominated and controlled.
It is like everything is a competition, and there are only winners and losers.Are you ready for the solution - drum roll please! The thing about this is that it can seem anticlimactic, as it is not such a big deal, but the consequences are gigantic.
The solution to this whole thing about dominating, controlling and holding power over in relationships, is to accept that as men and women we are of equal status!
There you have it! Doesn’t seem such a big deal does it? Seems so simple. Yet I’m sure when this is in place throughout the world the changes will be phenomenal and there will no longer be any need for dominating and controlling in relationships.
Mending Relationships: How to Get Out of a Rut
Are you in a relationship that is stagnant - a relationship that is not going anywhere? Maybe the relationship is in a rut and you are feeling the pangs of disappointment.
Life is full of ups and downs and two people should grow together, through these experiences. Some don’t! Some grow further apart. If you find yourself in a relationship that is going nowhere, it’s time to evaluate. If you don’t make changes, nothing changes. Soon you will be thinking about leaving, instead of mending what is broken. Before thinking of leaving, evaluate the relationship and find ways to get out of the rut.
Many relationships are repairable, but too often people are hasty and want to escape instead of figuring out what the problems are and focusing on solutions.
A relationship is shared by two people who are individuals. A healthy and nurturing relationship is about growing together within that relationship. It isn’t about just breathing the same air, but a true partnership. The two people in a relationship also need to grow as individuals.
Start by asking yourself…what do you want from your relationship? What are the core issues that caused the relationship to be in a rut and stagnant? Are the issues your issues, your partner’s issues or issues related to the dynamics between you and your partner?
You have to identify the problem in order to find the solution. It’s possible your partner may not be willing to work on solutions. That is a problem in itself. Your partner may not even feel there is a problem and is comfortable with things the way they are. The problems may lie within you and not the relationship itself.
Often people feel disappointed when their partner isn’t sharing the same interests with them anymore. They once used to go out and do things all the time. In my opinion, the feelings and issues go deeper. I don’t believe it’s about activities, but resentment, repressed emotions, feeling taken for granted and a breakdown in communication. The issues start slowly. Your partner may be tired one day and not up to going out with you. You take it personally. You may find a way to get back at them, totally misinterpreting why they didn’t go out with you. One simple thing can lead to a snowball effect until you and your partner are in a vicious cycle of resentment and discord.
You ignore the little issues because they don’t seem important enough to address because they are infrequent. After a while, they accumulate until you see a much bigger picture. The gap between you grows wider and wider - until you are in a stagnant and disappointing relationship rut. The communication becomes almost nonexistent.
How do you get out of a relationship rut?
When you feel unhappy in any circumstance, the first place to look is inward and then outward. Dig deep to find out if your unhappiness lies within yourself or if it truly is about the dynamics in your relationship. It’s possible your expectations of your partner may be too high. Look at your behavior in the relationship. Are you constantly complaining or nagging? Do you fail to communicate effectively? Does any part of your behavior push your partner away? Or…does your behavior suggest that which should draw a partner closer, but it isn’t working?
If you are happy in general and feel you are growing as an individual and your expectations of your partner are reasonable, then it’s time to look directly at the relationship.
Keep in mind…a relationship doesn’t grow on it’s own. If you feel your relationship is stagnant and in a rut, it’s up to you to speak out and let your partner know how you feel. Don’t attack. Speak calmly about what issues are bothering you. There may be simple issues that just bug you or issues much more severe. Whatever the issues are, they are making you feel you’re in a rut and need to be dealt with.
Be sure to let your partner know how much they mean to you. Be direct about what’s bothering you. If you feel taken for granted, say so and give details about what has made you feel that way. Again, without attacking. Remember…you’re trying to mend the relationship, not make it worse. Your partner may not even realize what they have done. Your partner may have issues of their own that don’t even have to do with your or your relationship. Offer to listen to what they have been experiencing and feeling.
If you feel you aren’t being given enough attention, let your partner know what you need. If your partner has offended or belittled you, let that be known and explain how their words make you feel. Once you explain, they should be willing to clean up their act and work toward the betterment of the relationship. If not, you may have your answer to where this relationship is going.
If you want to do more things together, come up with ideas and present them to your partner. Also, ask what they would like to do. Delve into your common interests and see how you can work them out to suit both of you. There are many activities and hobbies a couple can share and help their relationship thrive.
In order for a relationship to thrive you have to nurture it. The relationship, nor your partner can be taken for granted. Each has to behave in a way that draws you closer to the other. It isn’t about who is right, but about what it takes between the two of you to make the relationship right.
Recap:
* define what the issues are
* look inward to understand your own issues
* be honest and open with your partner about what is bothering you
* don’t attack the one you love. Be mindful with your words.
* be willing to do your part and mend what is broken
* behave in a way that draws your partner closer
* respect your partner’s feelings as well as your own
* don’t take each other for granted
* be careful not to allow the relationship to continuously get in a rut
One of the best ways of getting back what you need is setting an example for your partner, by your own behavior, toward them. Treat them with the kindness, respect, love, support, understanding and encouragement that you wish to be treated.
Life is full of ups and downs and two people should grow together, through these experiences. Some don’t! Some grow further apart. If you find yourself in a relationship that is going nowhere, it’s time to evaluate. If you don’t make changes, nothing changes. Soon you will be thinking about leaving, instead of mending what is broken. Before thinking of leaving, evaluate the relationship and find ways to get out of the rut.
Many relationships are repairable, but too often people are hasty and want to escape instead of figuring out what the problems are and focusing on solutions.
A relationship is shared by two people who are individuals. A healthy and nurturing relationship is about growing together within that relationship. It isn’t about just breathing the same air, but a true partnership. The two people in a relationship also need to grow as individuals.
Start by asking yourself…what do you want from your relationship? What are the core issues that caused the relationship to be in a rut and stagnant? Are the issues your issues, your partner’s issues or issues related to the dynamics between you and your partner?
You have to identify the problem in order to find the solution. It’s possible your partner may not be willing to work on solutions. That is a problem in itself. Your partner may not even feel there is a problem and is comfortable with things the way they are. The problems may lie within you and not the relationship itself.
Often people feel disappointed when their partner isn’t sharing the same interests with them anymore. They once used to go out and do things all the time. In my opinion, the feelings and issues go deeper. I don’t believe it’s about activities, but resentment, repressed emotions, feeling taken for granted and a breakdown in communication. The issues start slowly. Your partner may be tired one day and not up to going out with you. You take it personally. You may find a way to get back at them, totally misinterpreting why they didn’t go out with you. One simple thing can lead to a snowball effect until you and your partner are in a vicious cycle of resentment and discord.
You ignore the little issues because they don’t seem important enough to address because they are infrequent. After a while, they accumulate until you see a much bigger picture. The gap between you grows wider and wider - until you are in a stagnant and disappointing relationship rut. The communication becomes almost nonexistent.
How do you get out of a relationship rut?
When you feel unhappy in any circumstance, the first place to look is inward and then outward. Dig deep to find out if your unhappiness lies within yourself or if it truly is about the dynamics in your relationship. It’s possible your expectations of your partner may be too high. Look at your behavior in the relationship. Are you constantly complaining or nagging? Do you fail to communicate effectively? Does any part of your behavior push your partner away? Or…does your behavior suggest that which should draw a partner closer, but it isn’t working?
If you are happy in general and feel you are growing as an individual and your expectations of your partner are reasonable, then it’s time to look directly at the relationship.
Keep in mind…a relationship doesn’t grow on it’s own. If you feel your relationship is stagnant and in a rut, it’s up to you to speak out and let your partner know how you feel. Don’t attack. Speak calmly about what issues are bothering you. There may be simple issues that just bug you or issues much more severe. Whatever the issues are, they are making you feel you’re in a rut and need to be dealt with.
Be sure to let your partner know how much they mean to you. Be direct about what’s bothering you. If you feel taken for granted, say so and give details about what has made you feel that way. Again, without attacking. Remember…you’re trying to mend the relationship, not make it worse. Your partner may not even realize what they have done. Your partner may have issues of their own that don’t even have to do with your or your relationship. Offer to listen to what they have been experiencing and feeling.
If you feel you aren’t being given enough attention, let your partner know what you need. If your partner has offended or belittled you, let that be known and explain how their words make you feel. Once you explain, they should be willing to clean up their act and work toward the betterment of the relationship. If not, you may have your answer to where this relationship is going.
If you want to do more things together, come up with ideas and present them to your partner. Also, ask what they would like to do. Delve into your common interests and see how you can work them out to suit both of you. There are many activities and hobbies a couple can share and help their relationship thrive.
In order for a relationship to thrive you have to nurture it. The relationship, nor your partner can be taken for granted. Each has to behave in a way that draws you closer to the other. It isn’t about who is right, but about what it takes between the two of you to make the relationship right.
Recap:
* define what the issues are
* look inward to understand your own issues
* be honest and open with your partner about what is bothering you
* don’t attack the one you love. Be mindful with your words.
* be willing to do your part and mend what is broken
* behave in a way that draws your partner closer
* respect your partner’s feelings as well as your own
* don’t take each other for granted
* be careful not to allow the relationship to continuously get in a rut
One of the best ways of getting back what you need is setting an example for your partner, by your own behavior, toward them. Treat them with the kindness, respect, love, support, understanding and encouragement that you wish to be treated.